Funny Letter (LoL)

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100
kisses.
You are my sweetheart

Your husband
Allen



His wife replied back after some days to her husband:


Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses
details.

1.. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's
milk.

2.. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3.. Your house owner is coming every day and taking
two or three kisses instead of the rent.

4.. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so
I have given him some other items....... ....

5.. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance
of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using
this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your SweetHeart....... .......

Jesus is watching you

Here's a funny story that you should get a laugh out of =)

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."

Place in Heaven (Joke)

A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Joe Green, taxi driver, of New York City!”
Saint Peter consults his list.
He smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom.”
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

And now the minister is at the first of the line.
He stands erect and, without being asked, proclaims, “I am Joseph Snow, head pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years!”
Saint Peter consults his list.
Looking up, he says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff, but I get wood and cotton. How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter.
“While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”