My God and My Heartache ♥

We all have those heartaches and heartbreaks, those moments which are truly necessary for growth and strength, those of which you cannot skip in life. They come in different ways, some come lightly as if they never happened and some come as though when they leave, they would take away all of us. People see pain in different manners, different perspective and point of view. Many make their own principles and resolutions after as if they had to hide their bitterness in an image of toughness and full recovery.
There are those ‘expected’ moments when you try avoiding them despite the fact that you know you would really go through it. You try to prepare yourself somehow inside of you, yet in the end, when you’re into it, you still put yourself wholly at stake. Then, there it goes, another heartbreaking moment, you finally belong to the club.


At this point in my life, I can say I have come through so much of them, though I can’t say I have been through the toughest struggles that this world had witnessed, I can say quite confidently that I had even came to a point that I want to vomit my heart out in pain. Confidently not because I am bragging about my strength, but confidently to prove to you that you don’t know me enough to say I’m taking life too lightly. And yes. There was that, or should I say those moments, when I felt I was betrayed, I was alone, pitiful and hopeless. People see me as strong, lively and optimistic, they even think I am that girl who lives in her dreams, satisfied, pampered, and secured. But I know myself too well; I don’t fit to any of those
. I live in many insecurities, frustrations and pessimism. Many times do come that I don’t know where to go or what to do, but I still find a way through every little hope I have in my hands, maybe that is the reason why today, I have grown to have this buoyancy to speak to you that pain and life doesn’t have to be like water and oil that doesn’t go well together, but your life should be a sugar that makes the bitter coffee of pain sweet and delicious; pain can have more volume than your life, but your life should be more substantial and concentrated.
Many ask the question “what is the best way to go through your pain?” I should answer It is by God’s grace, and I mean it. I’m not overrating the power of God’s peace and comfort, I know it works. When you ask those people who have gone through painful moments, they will give you a lot of discouragement; saying this and that, which makes you afraid of it. You can make a list of things that you would do to get through it, but God’s comfort is still the fastest and most effective way. It leaves you not just comforted, but completely healed, whole and satisfied, it leaves you sweeter and not bitter, stronger and not numb, wiser but not deceitful, In fact, it would definitely make you a better person.
You might tell me, “you’re too much at that, you don’t know how painful this is for me, you don’t know what I’m going through so don’t make your theories utopian.” Yes I don’t know what you’re going through, but I’ll tell you one of mine, isn’t it painful to invest your time, resources, effort, even your dreams and your heart into something and see it crushing into nothing in just a word? Isn’t it painful to see that you have almost given up everything you are then it all went to nothing? Think again if you see me as too idealistic, you don’t know me enough to say that .

 
 When some people knew of it, they thought it would be hard, and yes it did. At first I thought as if I were to die of so many aches inside of me, I don’t have any idea of how should I cry out my pain to empty me of it, but then I prayed. I prayed and I held on to what God has said to me, He said His grace is sufficient, He said He is the God of comfort, the prince of peace, the river of life, and so much more for me, and I trusted that. I had nowhere else to go, nothing more to hold on to, and I don’t even know what to do next. If I was not myself, I can say I had no choice so I went to God, but no, I know even if there are other ways, I knew God has His best way, so I put Him first. I cast everything to Him and he did not fail me. This is why I had believed all the more what they say that “pain draws us nearer to God” and it does, because “God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps. 38:14) and “blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted” (Mat.5:4). God gives us an unfathomable peace when we pray, and gives us reason to rejoice and give thanks (Phil.4: 4-7, 1Thess.5:16-18); He cares for us and our troubles, he wants to help and sustains us (John 14:1, 1Peter5:7, Ps.55:22) and God wants us to learn and earn our eternal treasures, and they are earned through endurance, and God wants us to look heavenward. (2Cor.4:16-18) And for which I am very grateful, I know the Lord and I had more of Him, I trust Him more knowing that he is faithful in His promises, He answers when I call (Ps.40:1) and he directs my path. Truly no wisdom is wisdom unless they are put into practice.

I hope I can explain it to you more, I pray I had enough words to tell you how much comforted I am in the presence of my King, but unfortunately for me as a writer, His ways are unfathomable and unexplainable. How I wish I can describe you everything He has done to me, so that I can encourage you to trust His ways, but I can’t. What I can say is that I didn’t expect it to be like this, I expected a longer time of trouble, a deeper scar, a hard hit in the middle of me that takes a long time to be recovered, but miraculously, it was not. I just prayed, I talked with God and everything just went to restoration, I trusted Him and he went healing everything that has been broken, removing everything that may remain as a deadly sting to my heart, he gave me new eyes to see pain, and a deeper faith that nothing is impossible for Him.
Before, I went through different reasons to approach God confidently in prayer and to put him first, because THEY say it is effective, it is commanded in the bible, it is needed for growth, it glorifies God, and other reasons that just make me more burdened to pray and put God first. But I can say now, with so much confidence in my face, I pray now because I am 100% certain that He hears me. He answers, He is real, and He is overwhelmingly in love with me. He delights in me and makes me delight in Him. Now I pray because I enjoy talking with my God, I know that nothing else in this world can replace the love that He made whole, not again, but whole not like never before, I now have His peace, His comfort and joy, that I am sure, NO ONE COULD EVER TAKE AWAY FROM ME. I hope I had more ways to explain this to you, but you just have to experience it yourself so you could understand what I am saying. I challenge your faith, whatever is that you’re in, let God prove Himself to you. GOD IS REAL, He worked in my life, HE CAN WORK IN YOU TOO, IF YOU JUST LET HIM. :)


whatever you go through always remember this: I f stones would not be removes from the clay, it won't make a strong and beautiful pot, removing it may disform the pot in the process, but in the end, it will make the potter the best that it can be :)

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IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I LEARNED IN EVERYTHING I GO THROUGH IN MY LIFE, IT IS THE FACT THAT I CANNOT HELP BUT FALL IN LOVE MORE WITH GOD AND WANT MORE OF HIM DESPERATELY EVERYTIME I EXPERIENCE HIM ♥
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Thanks (^_^)

Ocha Samohito